Is Marriage for You? 

The Ultimate Question: Is Marriage for You? 

“Marriage”

It's a big word, but what is the point of marriage – really? Honestly, it seems like one of the most taxing, painful and (potentially) an emotionally destructive act a person can do, and we have all seen relationships around us fail due to the challenges of making marriage work for various reasons from growing into appreciating different values to fidelity issues. With that mindset, it’s hard to understand why marriage is still being practiced today and how it’s even being accomplished in a healthy and fulfilling way.  

What if we’re not seeing marriage correctly…and that’s why it seems so overwhelming? Don't worry, we're going to show you the right way to understand marriage.

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Seeing Marriage Differently 

If you were to look at marriage in a different view, you would know that marriage is about:

  1. Giving everything you possibly can give to someone else, and

  2. The most significant opportunity to maximize your potential as a human being.

Now, you may be wondering how this works – no worries, we're here to guide you through this new marriage mentality.

To view marriage differently, you need to remove all your previous views and judgment on it right now. What happened before in an earlier marriage isn't relevant, nor what happened in your sibling's wedding. The only thing you need to focus on is you and your potential marriage.

When we look away from all the apparent theoretical options, we discover that the act of devoting and committing yourself to someone else forces us to overcome what we thought was never possible. That’s powerful, but let’s reflect on that for a moment. 

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Consider a challenging time in your life that you’ve encountered while being with someone:

  • Did it make things easier to know someone was there for you, no matter what happened? 

  • Did you have someone to talk things over with, so you could make informed decisions? 

  • Did that someone assure you that things would be okay, even though the future is unpredictable?  

We're going to take a guess that you answered yes to one or more of those questions. It's interesting, but there is something about having someone there for you, forever and always, no matter how bad things get offers us comfort and makes us want to reciprocate that compassion, trust, and understanding.

Our inner-self wants to be a giver, have incredible patience and desires unity. This is the very purpose of marriage, it allows that sense of unity to be fulfilled on the highest level. It's no wonder why marriage is still considered one of the most beloved traditions. In all cultures, this form of unity is celebrated and cherished because it's bringing so much more than two people together, it's uniting two people most perfectly.

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Moving Forward with a New Definition of Marriage 

Yes, “marriage” is a loaded word, but it’s still beautiful and symbolic. It’s easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of negativity when it comes to marriage because we all know so many people who have had poor experiences in their own marriages. 

It doesn't need to darken your own future vision of having a united and robust marriage with the person you love most and want to go above and beyond for the rest of your life.

Understand that the real purpose of marriage is to unite two people together. If you offer your patience and are willing to give yourself and time to your significant other, you will have unlocked a deep understanding of marriage, and that will start your journey together in a promising direction when you two are ready to take this step in your relationship.

Zachary Horwitz
The Kids… and Your Marriage
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Helicopter parents. They are all over the nation. Tracking their child’s every move, pattern, behavior, and, very often, failure. As some of the beneficiaries of this parenting phenomenon are turning into adults, it is becoming overly apparent that not only does Helicopter Parenting not work, but the parents put their children at a severe disadvantage as they are unable to thrive in the face of inevitable challenge.


Now we have to ask ourselves - why is this happening? What is the whole purpose of Helicopter Parenting? Surely it isn’t coming from a bad place. The intention behind it is to keep our children safe and to make sure they grow into the best versions of themselves. So what’s going wrong?


And this is where we’d like to focus our attention.


The truth is that kids do not need someone on top of them as much as they need someone to model healthy and responsible behavior. That is how kids will grow into the best versions of themselves. Not by being on top of them, but by being around them.


You see, it’s like this: kids are like sponges with gigantic Dr. Dre headphones around their ears. They watch everything you do carefully and mirror your actions constantly. If we take a second to really think about it - this is a scary reality! Suddenly all expectations of your child’s success and growth is now put right back on YOU.


But what a beautiful responsibility. By perfecting ourselves and how we act in our home we create the opportunity to solidify our children’s behaviors.



Let’s take this one step further.

The big questions we all ask ourselves is: what do we want for our children? What kind of lives do want them to lead? What kind of people do we want them to become?


When it comes to their marriage, parents dream of their children having happy marriages. No fighting. No resentment. Truthfully speaking, we don’t want our children to fall into any of the negative behaviors we see across many relationships.

Now here’s the truth: accurately predicting the success of our child’s marriage, career, and overall relationship with the outside world has much less to do with their behavior, and has everything to do with our behavior. And when it comes to marriage, it is all about how we treat our spouses day in and day out.



So, what exactly is that healthy relationship we want to model to our children?


For starters - do mom and dad have a unified approach? Are they on the same team in terms of parenting? Or can the child go back and forth between the two and negotiate to the best bidder? When the parents get in an argument, do they address the issue on their own, handled in the other room and away from the children? Or does it turn into a passive-aggressive war and screaming match that doesn’t end for days?


Stressing this point even further, his or her world gets shaken when Mom and Dad are not on the same front. But when we act correctly, respectfully, and in unity, that sponge with the Dr. Dre headphones watching and mirroring our every behavior will grow into a caring, loving spouse.



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So what can we do?


Here are three quick tips:

  1. Disagreement doesn’t have to mean anger. Always strive to navigate through your disagreements with your spouse in the way you would want your child to navigate through his disagreements with his or her future spouse.

  2. Stay unified, even when you disagree. The most important thing for your child is to see that you are better together.

  3. When a disagreement inevitably comes up, don’t make a show. Wait for the proper time to deal with the issue, away from the children. Your kids don’t need to be in the audience.


These ideas are not just for our children. They are fundamental to a functioning and thriving marriage. Naturally, the way we behave around our children is how our children will eventually behave themselves. So let’s take the step to be more conscious about our behavior. We all want the best for our children. We don’t need to helicopter. We need to raise our own bars. Our children need a picture they can emulate and a roadmap for life that they can travel down. Starting now, let’s take that beautiful responsibility and become sensitive to how we act - for our own sake, for our spouses' sake, and for the sake of our children’s future.



Zachary Horwitz
The 4 Pillars of Giving You Need to Know for Marriage
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The 4 Pillars of Giving You Need to Know for Marriage

The entire concept of marriage varies from person to person. Some people expect the fairy tale ending and to live happily ever after while other couples are excited to take this next step in their relationship and whatever will follow.

Alternatively, some men and women have already been married and are ready to take the plunge once again but experience a bit of hesitation because there is some underlying fear that their upcoming marriage may end in a similar result – a divorce.

No matter where you find yourself or your views on marriage, one thing is clear. There are Four Pillars of Giving that you need to know about before getting married, whether it’s for the first time or the fourth time.




Pillar #1: Keeping It Fresh

Relationships can lose their spark over any amount of time, but that doesn’t mean you need to settle into that mindset and get overly comfortable to the point where you’re lacking effort to be with one another.

For example, think about when you two first met and started dating. Now ask yourself this:

  • What were you two wearing?

  • How did you act with one another?

  • Did you listen to one another more diligently because you wanted to learn everything about them?

  • Did you surprise each other with gifts of love, such as flowers, fancy dinner dates, or writing them a poem?

These are the little things that can really make a difference in keeping things fresh like when you two first got together.




Pillar #2: Find Your Gratitude Attitude

The definition of gratitude is the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return the kindness.

It is incredibly easy to lose your sense of gratitude when you’re with someone, especially as time goes on, and have so many other things happening in your life.

Over time, our minds shift, and we start to focus on things that bother us instead of things that make us feel thankful. We start to criticize and speak or act negatively toward our significant other and that can cause a lot of damage.

Here’s a simple exercise to practice daily gratitude:

  • Ask yourself what you’re grateful for today at a specific time, every day

  • Ask yourself why you’re grateful to have your significant other by your side

  • Ask yourself what you can do to show them your gratitude

By asking yourself these questions on a regular basis, you will start to focus on the positive things rather than the other stuff that really isn’t a big deal or relevant to your overall happiness or relationship.

If a room is messy, so what? Rather than focusing on the messy room, be grateful that you two have worked together to have your own home.

These little mind shifts can change your daily perspective and attitude toward one another and will make your relationship healthier.




Pillar #3: Respect in All Its Forms

Respect is critical in every stage of a relationship. One of the most important things you can do is respect one another, their personal space, and openness to their needs.

You want to always be there for one another and be able to listen and allow them to express themselves freely. There may also be times you may need to think outside yourself to recognize your significant other’s needs.

Here are some ideas to show one another respect:

  • Offer to pay for their next favorite thing (dinner, haircut, spa visit, etc.)

  • Ask them what they want to do for your next date night and do it

  • Help them more with their daily habits or routines (such as helping them clean up after dinner or finally fixing that dripping faucet)

It doesn’t always require money to show respect, small actions of listening or helping can speak volume.




Pillar #4: All Depends on “Me”

At no point should you ever stray away from who you are and what you believe in, regardless of how the other person acts. As soon as you let one another get under your skin, emotions start fueling the fire rather than your normal self.

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Your relationship is so much bigger than any argument. Stay focused on who you are as person and remind yourself during these trying times that there is no such thing as “their end of

the bargain”.

Here’s something to think about when things start getting heated:

  • Why did this argument start?

  • Is it critical to our overall happiness or is there an underlying issue that may be causing their anger right now?

  • Talk things out with them and don’t be aggressive – anger doesn’t make anything better

While it can be extremely challenging to maintain your cool when your significant other is screaming at you, understand that their anger is likely stemming from something and it only exploded because they felt unheard and the need to escalate, so that shouldn’t fall back on them.

Check yourself and then check in with one another so you two can talk things out to reach a solution or compromise.






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Conclusion

By understanding the Four Pillars of Giving, you will have the advantage to ensure your relationship is destined for happiness. While these pillars are simple, they can be easy to forget as you settle into a relationship.

A good way to remember these pillars is by setting reminders on your phone at milestone marks (such as monthly, six-months, quarterly or other periodic time) so you can check in with these pillars and find ways to implement them on an ongoing basis to keep your relationship fresh and strong for years to come.






Zachary Horwitz
How to Get Unstuck When Your Marriage Is in a Rut

We occasionally find ourselves in a rut, feeling hopeless and not knowing how to move forward.

Every relationship in life has peaks and valleys, it's only natural. But we can’t expect anything to change if we pretend that disruptions are not happening. We need to accept the presence of any issues, and proactively attempt to resolve them. A marriage is no exception.

Let's dive in.

Step One

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First, let us get back to the basics of what it means to be married. We naturally desire love, intimacy, and happiness in a marriage. The question becomes: where is it to be found when those feelings are missing? If we decide to hit the reset button, we can discover that marriage is a place for love & support instead of shackles & stress. That fundamental truth reminds us to accentuate the positive and dismiss the negative.

Step Two

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Secondly, we must understand that love is an action which develops a feeling of connection, but if we want a connection we must act out of love.

Have you ever seen a child build a LEGO tower? We all know that if she worked on it for a whole day and then someone came and kicked it over, she would get frustrated, to say the least. Why? It's only a LEGO tower! The reason is that she poured love into that tower with her time, effort and attention, thus developing a connection. That's how we have to look at our better half: When we act in love, we fall in love. Get the flowers, call a hotel, get a babysitter, and treat your better half with the respect they deserve.

Step Three

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Now that we see the picture clearly and are devoting time to taking corrective actions, we can focus on attitude change. When we get steps one and two correct, we start to notice our mindset change towards not only the person but also how we desire to give over to that person. It is not just something we know is the right thing to do, it is actually the thing we truly want to do with our time, effort and resources! We have the emotional space for listening, we have the passion to give back, and we have the desire to be closer to our spouse.

These three easy principals are a guide and a tool. Hold them close to your heart and reap the fruits of your labor of love!



Zachary Horwitz
Keeping It Fresh
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There’s nothing like going to the fresh-fruit section at your favorite market spot and picking out the juiciest pieces you can find! If you’re like us, then at one point or another, your eyes became bigger than your stomach. By the end of the week, those leftover pieces of fruit are turning brown and mushy, and ultimately find their final destination reluctantly at the bottom of the waste bin.

Unfortunately, this isn’t just a shopping experience.

This is the real reality of false expectations.

Here’s how it works:

When we get married, our lives are in front of us. The future is bright. We are emphatic about the prospect of future happiness and creating a path towards oneness with this other person. But shortly after marriage, the reality of “forever” settles in, and we are faced with a decision.

How are we going to proceed down this path together?

First things first: this goal cannot be attained if, while on the road, we are still thinking about the road we didn’t travel. Past options cannot become present possibilities. How can you think your spouse is “the apple of your eye” if your eye sees more than just her? Part of strengthening your marriage is not just being proactive in bringing yourselves together, but also being smart about the things you should distance yourself from!

Let’s take a look at some of the things we may think are harmless, but in reality, may be pulling us in directions off the path we set out to create with our spouse.

Technology

When it comes to the internet, nothing is naturally off limits. It’s the wild west. Everybody is aware of how much sexually provocative material there is on the internet - something which is undoubtedly toxic to our relationships. But besides the amount of sexually provocative content, there is something much more subtle which has the potential to creep into the vitality of our relationship with our spouses: social comparison.

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Social media never lets us leave the past. There was a time when a breakup meant never seeing or talking to that person again. But now, you can check in on your ex’s life anytime, anywhere. Furthermore, they can even pop up on your account against your will!

A great amount of difficulty in cultivating a healthy & passion-filled relationship in our marriage is our heads constantly thinking or creating a fantasy about someone else. We know it may be difficult, but for this reason, we highly suggest looking through your friends and followers lists on social media and thinking twice about who you allow to pop up on your news feed. By limiting the scope of what we see and who we interact with on a daily basis, we allow ourselves to stay focused on our spouse and not the imaginary life we could have had without them.

On The Inside

The other part of keeping it fresh is the actual proactive building of your marriage; the tools you employ to bring each other closer together.

The greatest tool we can use is the secret to building any and all relationships: giving.

Depending on what they need, and what they ask for:

Give your focus.

Give your effort.

Give your time.

Give your love.

Give yourself.

Where we give, we love. And therefore, how much we give to our spouse will determine the levels of depth and potency our love can access. In addition, making someone feel that they are important in your eyes adds a specific sensitivity which creates a mutually trusting and loving relationship.

Expressed Fully

Ultimately, the health of the relationship is dependent on how much importance you put on working to make it thrive. Be proactive! When you treat it like something important, it will be important. When we go ahead and act in the way we want things to look like, we start to see another reality come to life.

If we can do this, if we can be diligent in our relationships, create the proper boundaries, and give ourselves fully, not only will our relationships look and feel like Day One, but they will exceed any expectation we had on that day.

In other words, the fruit we chose will always stay fresh.

Zachary Horwitz
Where Did Our Love Go?
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A painting of some flowers to your left and another painting of some flowers to your right. Comfortable chair and comfortable carpet. You both sit there, speechless and upset. We bet you didn’t think it would ever come to this - sitting in the counselor's office with the person you once loved.

This isn’t an uncommon scenario. Thinking back to the first moment you met, the first time you fell in love, the moment you moved into together, you were both sure that there was no chance the love could ever break.

But it did.

And the question is …. WHY?

When your current spouse asked for your hand in marriage, you most likely imagined what most people envision a marriage to be: your spouse would be well groomed and well dressed each and every day. You both would embrace after a long work day, loaded with passion by the sight of each other spending the whole day unbearably apart. But here’s the funny part: that vision was true! It wasn’t just a vision! Your partner once did dress that way. You did have that passion.

So where did it go?

One of the most common issues that couples run into is assuming the world of those initial butterflies and fireworks will last forever. Even worse is that when it inevitably reduces, many of us feel confused - even dumb - for having felt those feelings in the first place. But the reality is that those the feelings were 100% right and accurate. The problem lies in the fact that couples don’t think to reinvest those feelings to keep the momentum going.

To understand this concept more deeply, let’s take a look at this from the spiritual perspective.

A good question may be as follows: why did we receive that beauty of falling in love in the beginning, only for it to be taken away? Answer: to show what was possible. It's very hard to desire something we have not tasted.

But it’s double sided.

We can’t fully appreciate something which was given to us for free. We were given this I’m-in-love! feeling to taste and understand the possibilities of love, but we can only truly appreciate it permanently if it’s earned through our effort. Otherwise, it is only a matter of time before it fades and you both are sitting in those comfortable chairs in the flowery counselor’s office.

This paradigm is our blueprint on how to move forward from day one of marriage. It should always look like day one, but that day one will require more and more effort to achieve until the dance and beauty of marriage is deeper, brighter, and permanent.

Now that we are clear that effort is the glue to sustain that in love feeling throughout your marriage, it’s time to get practical

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Date Night

Take a second and think back to your first date. Odds are you spent hours on google searching for the perfect restaurant, found a way to leave work early in order to get ready and showed up in-style.

Gradually, those dates - and the exciting preparation for them - took a back seat. It’s an unfortunate reality, but the natural grind of life and routine in relationships can weigh heavy on our ability to be fresh and exciting. But it’s not too late!

Revisit that first date spark and the depth of love and commitment will climb back!

Here are the rules:

- Make the date

- Keep it consistent but not routine

- Try to get out -- If you can’t go out, stay in - but change the lighting and music and add a bottle of wine

- And always look your best!

Technology

Chances are when you first started dating, you’d wait to take your phone back out at the end of the night and find 5 missed calls and 20 unanswered texts. But now a call can’t wait and our thumbs are glued to the next text.

Somehow, our phones and computers have become a second (or first…) spouse to many of us.

What's the fix?

It all comes down to bracketing out time. If we set aside time dedicated to our spouse, then it requires our full attention. Would you text anyone or even think about taking a phone call in front of your boss? Of course not! So why is that acceptable with the most important person in your life? The answer: It’s not.

Technology can play an amazing role in the service of our relationships, but it can also cause subtle destruction.

Here’s the rule: the time spent together should be without distraction. In other words, when you set aside time to relate to your spouse, do not relate with your phone.

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Get Creative

We strive to be creative in our careers, strive to reinvent ourselves in the workspace in order to earn our keep and make our boss justify our salary.

On the other hand, once we get to marriage, our creativity “A” game seems to drift away. We tend to think that marriage is not a “job,” but in truth the responsibilities we have to our spouse are endless. With the recognition that I am responsible for this person, that this person deserves my best, my drive for creativity and performance shoots up.

Be spontaneous.

Think outside the box.

Buy something special.

Go somewhere different.

Explore yourselves and explore the world. Coming up with creative solutions to build your marriage keeps the energy high, the moments fresh, and will show your spouse how important the relationship is to you.

Conclusion

Let’s get rid of that painful question of “where did the love go?”, and change it into “what am I doing to bring it back?!” Love is a metaphysical idea and experience that helps us touch eternality. It’s never too late to make good on it - especially by returning to those glorious and thoughtful actions that got us there in the first place. Take the practical steps to heart, and let us know your thoughts. The road can be hard and for sure it takes effort. But every step makes a difference.


Zachary Horwitz
The Path Rarely Taken
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Let’s begin with a question: How do you normally feel coming home from work? For most, the answer lies somewhere sluggishly between tired and hungry.

We come back from work, walk up to the house, turn the key, and chances are if one expectation falls short, we can expect a red alert!

Before you know it, you fire off the passive-aggressive “house looks really clean today!” even though, in your mind, it seems like the government just shut down. Not surprisingly, your spouse picks up on your signal, and shoots right back: “Well someone is in just a great mood today.”

Now, you have the makings of what we call an opportunity.

Let’s travel down two paths and follow them to their logical conclusion.

Path One: The Path Most Traveled

Let’s return to our scene. You’re now in the middle of a passive-aggressive battlefield before either of you have even said hello to each other.

It’s your turn now. She really hit a button here. But you can’t help it. You fire back. “You ALWAYS leave this place a mess, I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree!”

So here we are. You’ve now just let loose two of the massive no-no’s.

Massive no-no #1: “Always”

The word “always” is the trigger word. First, it categorizes your beloved into a box. With one word, you’ve sealed the box shut and scribbled “you are XYZ” on all sides. And the worst part about it, because it’s “always”, you’ve now made him/her aware that you believe they have little hope of ever changing.

Massive no-no #2: Attaching the Family

With your quick comment, you’ve dug in the following message: not only are you unfixable, but your flaw roots run deep - your family is unfixable too. No wonder you are the way you are.

By swiftly throwing the popular “always” and family background stabs into your passive-aggressive comebacks, you’ve now backed your spouse into a corner they can not leave, and you, the person they married because you were so encouraging at first, are now the central topic of the next five therapy sessions.

And you know what they say...

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Unfortunately, often times these passive-aggressive roads can push so far past the red line that it produces one of the two spouses to cry out those four dreadful words: I want a divorce.

If it gets this far, the entire marriage now gets placed on the table. Those words can never be rescinded - not now, not ever. In a deeper way, a part of the relationship dies as soon of those words are uttered.

However far down the rabbit hole a passive-aggressive argument can take you, is up to you. But there’s always the decision to not step foot down that hole in the first place. There’s always the decision, when you open that door, to take the other path — the path less traveled.

Path Two: The High Road

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Tip #1: Self Control

Self-control is the most powerful tool we have.

There you are, still in the doorway of your house, tired and hungry. And there it is in front of you - the dreaded mess staring you in the face. Your last straw.

But this time, instead of that passive aggressive comment you had all loaded up, you pause, hold your tongue, take a deep breath, and think about the long term.

Tip #2: Give

Now that you can see a bit more clearly, jump at the opportunity to build up the marriage. Take action.

You hear the following words come out of your mouth: “Honey, I missed you all day. It looks like today may have been a rough one. Give me ten minutes and I will try to take care of the house while you put your feet up.”

Immediately, you completely avoid the potential destructive passive-aggressive battle and your relationship is elevated to a reinforced version of caring for the other.

By taking the path less traveled, at that moment, the couple has now transformed into one that cares about the other person’s reality and, in doing so, has also changed their own.

When self-control and giving are exercised, we immediately elevate closer to the actualized version of ourselves we spend all day dreaming of becoming.

And the Path Less Traveled doesn’t need to be restricted to our messy-houses greeting our grumpy-attitudes. In all areas of our marriage, whenever we think a certain expectation isn’t being met, and we feel heat rising in our chest — if we can just take a breath and find an opportunity to give, the entire marriage will be elevated.

Simple as it is, but difficult by every metric, this is a moment by moment exercise we should all actively strive for. The more we practice self-control, the more it will become second nature. Just like a muscle, the ability to practice self-control and giving will grow, and with it, inevitably, so too our marriage.

Zachary Horwitz
Why Do I Need Marriage Anyway?!

When most of us run into some sort of struggle in our relationships, we find ourselves asking, “what in the world did I get myself into?” We may even dig our heels into regret - “if only I stayed single longer!”

But in truth, all of these statements and questions stem from one thought: I thought being married would make me happier.

The answer is it should. Let us show you how and why.

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“I thought it was supposed to be easy!”


When one inevitably discovers that marriage does not just require effort, but will probably be the most challenging endeavor he or she will ever face, the question immediately arises: “why am I doing this?”

As soon as that question pops in, we think some perspective is required. Take a second and try to take stock of your marriage with these three objective questions:

1. Where would I be without my spouse?

2. How much have I grown personally because of that person?

3. And more fundamentally, am I here on this planet to be a giver or a taker?

1. Where would I be without my spouse?

Many of us live life without a sense of direction and purpose because although important, it is very difficult to develop an everlasting motivation based on only me and my needs. Having the other person in my life not only gives me someone else to care about, but more importantly, my personal growth ceiling is raised by my spouse who is able to show me the ideal self that I aspire to become.

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Every time we see the person we committed our lives to looking unhappy, alone, or feeling unappreciated, that moment is an opportunity to grow. When we extend out to our better half - even during times when we don’t want to - we immediately extend the longevity and well-being of that relationship. How do we know this? Let the data speak!

According to Bradbury, Karney and lead study author Dominik Schoebi, a former UCLA postdoctoral scholar who is currently at the Switzerland’s University of Fribourg, of the 172 married couples studied, 78.5 percent were still married after 11 years, and 21.5 percent were divorced. The couples in which both people were willing to make sacrifices for the sake of the marriage were significantly more likely to have lasting and happy marriages.

2. How much have I grown personally because of that person?

As we mentioned above, nothing is greater than growing as a couple, but we do not always feel that way. That is why sometimes we have to look inside and recognize the world of growth we have achieved since that person has entered our life. Before I had a responsibility to no one, now I take care of someone - that's massive! Before my spouse, I did not care how I looked, sounded or smelled, now, I walk out into the world with a bravado and pride knowing that person has my back. The reality for most of us is that our spouses have helped us to an immeasurable degree to become the person we never could be alone.

You may feel like…….

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3. Am I here on this planet to be a giver or a taker?

Whatever we believe, we each have an intrinsic desire to give inside each us. Whether or not that feeling is far or near, it is 100% accessible! When we tap into our giving nature, we tap into that part of our very being which makes us human. It allows us to achieve a sense of meaning, purpose, and self-worth. By opening our eyes, and giving to our spouse, we become that much closer to our ideal self. If we embrace the giver we are meant to be, we immediately open our world and start recognizing that this person who loves me, cares about me and is loyal to me deserves my giving, and I am required to give it back over.

The irony of it all is that when we work on being better with our spouse, we actually work on ourselves in the most productive way. We can put down that ridiculous diet, youtube video, and meditation guru that gives us our fantasy and look at the opportunity close to home. Is it hard work? YES. But the positive spillover into confidence, love, intimacy, and overall well-being are the greatest dividends life has to offer.

Sources:

http://newsroom.ucla.edu/releases/here-is-what-real-commitment-to-228064


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Zachary Horwitz