Why Do I Need Marriage Anyway?!

When most of us run into some sort of struggle in our relationships, we find ourselves asking, “what in the world did I get myself into?” We may even dig our heels into regret - “if only I stayed single longer!”

But in truth, all of these statements and questions stem from one thought: I thought being married would make me happier.

The answer is it should. Let us show you how and why.

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“I thought it was supposed to be easy!”


When one inevitably discovers that marriage does not just require effort, but will probably be the most challenging endeavor he or she will ever face, the question immediately arises: “why am I doing this?”

As soon as that question pops in, we think some perspective is required. Take a second and try to take stock of your marriage with these three objective questions:

1. Where would I be without my spouse?

2. How much have I grown personally because of that person?

3. And more fundamentally, am I here on this planet to be a giver or a taker?

1. Where would I be without my spouse?

Many of us live life without a sense of direction and purpose because although important, it is very difficult to develop an everlasting motivation based on only me and my needs. Having the other person in my life not only gives me someone else to care about, but more importantly, my personal growth ceiling is raised by my spouse who is able to show me the ideal self that I aspire to become.

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Every time we see the person we committed our lives to looking unhappy, alone, or feeling unappreciated, that moment is an opportunity to grow. When we extend out to our better half - even during times when we don’t want to - we immediately extend the longevity and well-being of that relationship. How do we know this? Let the data speak!

According to Bradbury, Karney and lead study author Dominik Schoebi, a former UCLA postdoctoral scholar who is currently at the Switzerland’s University of Fribourg, of the 172 married couples studied, 78.5 percent were still married after 11 years, and 21.5 percent were divorced. The couples in which both people were willing to make sacrifices for the sake of the marriage were significantly more likely to have lasting and happy marriages.

2. How much have I grown personally because of that person?

As we mentioned above, nothing is greater than growing as a couple, but we do not always feel that way. That is why sometimes we have to look inside and recognize the world of growth we have achieved since that person has entered our life. Before I had a responsibility to no one, now I take care of someone - that's massive! Before my spouse, I did not care how I looked, sounded or smelled, now, I walk out into the world with a bravado and pride knowing that person has my back. The reality for most of us is that our spouses have helped us to an immeasurable degree to become the person we never could be alone.

You may feel like…….

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3. Am I here on this planet to be a giver or a taker?

Whatever we believe, we each have an intrinsic desire to give inside each us. Whether or not that feeling is far or near, it is 100% accessible! When we tap into our giving nature, we tap into that part of our very being which makes us human. It allows us to achieve a sense of meaning, purpose, and self-worth. By opening our eyes, and giving to our spouse, we become that much closer to our ideal self. If we embrace the giver we are meant to be, we immediately open our world and start recognizing that this person who loves me, cares about me and is loyal to me deserves my giving, and I am required to give it back over.

The irony of it all is that when we work on being better with our spouse, we actually work on ourselves in the most productive way. We can put down that ridiculous diet, youtube video, and meditation guru that gives us our fantasy and look at the opportunity close to home. Is it hard work? YES. But the positive spillover into confidence, love, intimacy, and overall well-being are the greatest dividends life has to offer.

Sources:

http://newsroom.ucla.edu/releases/here-is-what-real-commitment-to-228064


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Zachary Horwitz