How to Get Unstuck When Your Marriage Is in a Rut

We occasionally find ourselves in a rut, feeling hopeless and not knowing how to move forward.

Every relationship in life has peaks and valleys, it's only natural. But we can’t expect anything to change if we pretend that disruptions are not happening. We need to accept the presence of any issues, and proactively attempt to resolve them. A marriage is no exception.

Let's dive in.

Step One

Back TO Basics.png

First, let us get back to the basics of what it means to be married. We naturally desire love, intimacy, and happiness in a marriage. The question becomes: where is it to be found when those feelings are missing? If we decide to hit the reset button, we can discover that marriage is a place for love & support instead of shackles & stress. That fundamental truth reminds us to accentuate the positive and dismiss the negative.

Step Two


Secondly, we must understand that love is an action which develops a feeling of connection, but if we want a connection we must act out of love.

Have you ever seen a child build a LEGO tower? We all know that if she worked on it for a whole day and then someone came and kicked it over, she would get frustrated, to say the least. Why? It's only a LEGO tower! The reason is that she poured love into that tower with her time, effort and attention, thus developing a connection. That's how we have to look at our better half: When we act in love, we fall in love. Get the flowers, call a hotel, get a babysitter, and treat your better half with the respect they deserve.

Step Three


Now that we see the picture clearly and are devoting time to taking corrective actions, we can focus on attitude change. When we get steps one and two correct, we start to notice our mindset change towards not only the person but also how we desire to give over to that person. It is not just something we know is the right thing to do, it is actually the thing we truly want to do with our time, effort and resources! We have the emotional space for listening, we have the passion to give back, and we have the desire to be closer to our spouse.

These three easy principals are a guide and a tool. Hold them close to your heart and reap the fruits of your labor of love!

Zachary Horwitz