The 4 Pillars of Giving You Need to Know for Marriage


The 4 Pillars of Giving You Need to Know for Marriage

The entire concept of marriage varies from person to person. Some people expect the fairy tale ending and to live happily ever after while other couples are excited to take this next step in their relationship and whatever will follow.

Alternatively, some men and women have already been married and are ready to take the plunge once again but experience a bit of hesitation because there is some underlying fear that their upcoming marriage may end in a similar result – a divorce.

No matter where you find yourself or your views on marriage, one thing is clear. There are Four Pillars of Giving that you need to know about before getting married, whether it’s for the first time or the fourth time.

Pillar #1: Keeping It Fresh

Relationships can lose their spark over any amount of time, but that doesn’t mean you need to settle into that mindset and get overly comfortable to the point where you’re lacking effort to be with one another.

For example, think about when you two first met and started dating. Now ask yourself this:

  • What were you two wearing?

  • How did you act with one another?

  • Did you listen to one another more diligently because you wanted to learn everything about them?

  • Did you surprise each other with gifts of love, such as flowers, fancy dinner dates, or writing them a poem?

These are the little things that can really make a difference in keeping things fresh like when you two first got together.

Pillar #2: Find Your Gratitude Attitude

The definition of gratitude is the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return the kindness.

It is incredibly easy to lose your sense of gratitude when you’re with someone, especially as time goes on, and have so many other things happening in your life.

Over time, our minds shift, and we start to focus on things that bother us instead of things that make us feel thankful. We start to criticize and speak or act negatively toward our significant other and that can cause a lot of damage.

Here’s a simple exercise to practice daily gratitude:

  • Ask yourself what you’re grateful for today at a specific time, every day

  • Ask yourself why you’re grateful to have your significant other by your side

  • Ask yourself what you can do to show them your gratitude

By asking yourself these questions on a regular basis, you will start to focus on the positive things rather than the other stuff that really isn’t a big deal or relevant to your overall happiness or relationship.

If a room is messy, so what? Rather than focusing on the messy room, be grateful that you two have worked together to have your own home.

These little mind shifts can change your daily perspective and attitude toward one another and will make your relationship healthier.

Pillar #3: Respect in All Its Forms

Respect is critical in every stage of a relationship. One of the most important things you can do is respect one another, their personal space, and openness to their needs.

You want to always be there for one another and be able to listen and allow them to express themselves freely. There may also be times you may need to think outside yourself to recognize your significant other’s needs.

Here are some ideas to show one another respect:

  • Offer to pay for their next favorite thing (dinner, haircut, spa visit, etc.)

  • Ask them what they want to do for your next date night and do it

  • Help them more with their daily habits or routines (such as helping them clean up after dinner or finally fixing that dripping faucet)

It doesn’t always require money to show respect, small actions of listening or helping can speak volume.

Pillar #4: All Depends on “Me”

At no point should you ever stray away from who you are and what you believe in, regardless of how the other person acts. As soon as you let one another get under your skin, emotions start fueling the fire rather than your normal self.

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Your relationship is so much bigger than any argument. Stay focused on who you are as person and remind yourself during these trying times that there is no such thing as “their end of

the bargain”.

Here’s something to think about when things start getting heated:

  • Why did this argument start?

  • Is it critical to our overall happiness or is there an underlying issue that may be causing their anger right now?

  • Talk things out with them and don’t be aggressive – anger doesn’t make anything better

While it can be extremely challenging to maintain your cool when your significant other is screaming at you, understand that their anger is likely stemming from something and it only exploded because they felt unheard and the need to escalate, so that shouldn’t fall back on them.

Check yourself and then check in with one another so you two can talk things out to reach a solution or compromise.

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By understanding the Four Pillars of Giving, you will have the advantage to ensure your relationship is destined for happiness. While these pillars are simple, they can be easy to forget as you settle into a relationship.

A good way to remember these pillars is by setting reminders on your phone at milestone marks (such as monthly, six-months, quarterly or other periodic time) so you can check in with these pillars and find ways to implement them on an ongoing basis to keep your relationship fresh and strong for years to come.

Zachary Horwitz